That’s Not Something…

What I wanted to do last Saturday: take a nap. What I did instead: put on my Carharrt coveralls and helped Ken replant about 250 Solomon’s seal plants in that flowerbed by my feet.

All joking aside—I’ve told way too many poop stories and probably hit my record of excessive posting the day before my colonoscopy —I had another episode from 7:00 last night to 7:00 this morning. I was beside myself with pain and midway through the night, I cried to Ken, “I want to go to heaven.” […]

Well, I finally had my colonoscopy today; got home this evening around 5:00. Jumped in the bathtub (chilled), hobbled around (pain), managed to drink half a protein shake (getting the shakes), took a 51-minute nap according to my Fitbit (exhausted from the last two days plus pain) and opened my Facebook app (to try to […]

You know you’re in trouble when the colonoscopy/EGD-prep insert is as big as your body. I have to stop drinking altogether in two minutes and get to repeat step 2 in five hours. Not exactly what I want to set my alarm for. I’d rather be jetting off to Hawaii on a red-eye. Besides, I […]

This is why me and Katie are friends. Yesterday, I texted her, “I’m gonna need a demo singer one of these days. Let me know when you have a spare moment. We will have to do it in between my colonoscopy and normal life.” She responded, “Oh I’m ready when you are!!! When is your […]

I’m sure a lot of people go in to have a colonoscopy thinking, “Oh my word…are they gonna find cancer?” Me? I’m thinking things like: A) Did I stop eating those sunflower and pumpkin seeds soon enough? B) I wonder how much popcorn the doc will find in there. C) I hope the prep scrapes […]

Doing my colonoscopy/endoscopy prep today while Ken (the meanyhead ) is eating spaghetti, homemade cornbread, salad, and all kinds of other yummy food. I’m holing up in my office so that I don’t smell any food or make eye contact with the fridge. I only pop out once in a while to drink beef broth […]

Yesterday, all I had were three protein shakes and all my supplements. Sort of a pre-prep prep—say that ten times fast—for my colonoscopy/endoscopy happening tomorrow. Without thinking, last night around 7:00, Ken says to me, “Hey, Mer, you want some popcorn?” Yes. Duh. And a salad, sprinkled with sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. How about […]

With my colonoscopy/endoscopy prep happening today and tomorrow, I probably picked the wrong time to be on our last package of toilet paper.

My colonoscopy/EGD prep starts today. Let’s see how many poop jokes I can come up with.