The two things I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday (which was January 9) this year were a) go for a hike with this guy on January 14, and b) see the "Jesus Revolution" movie when it came out.

The hike never happened. Instead, I hiked my bahookie over to the ER and spent 7 hours staring at the ceiling as they ran all kinds of tests trying to eliminate heart attack, pulmonary embolism, and pneumonia as the reason for my visit.

It`s been a long, grueling two months of follow-up doctor appointments, a colonoscopy, an EGD, more "episodes," and second opinions.

Last night, after my last piano student of the day, we went to Red Robin (which was a bonus 😉) to split a burger and fries, got a box of Milk Duds (which I`ve been craving for weeks), and saw the movie.

Next, we need to do our hike. And probably not buy any more Milk Duds. 😂

#blessedbeyondmeasure
#lifeisprecious

Back in August, a friend of mine gave me a $100 gift card to a local nursery to buy something in "honor of my mom."

On Thursday, I hopped in the car with another friend and ended up with: 1 pine, 3 Leyland cypresses, 1 andromeda, and 8 perennial primroses.

So far, 3 of the primroses have found their permanent home. The rest are still waiting. 😎

#springiscoming

What I wanted to do last Saturday: take a nap.

What I did instead: put on my Carharrt coveralls and helped the husband replant about 250 Solomon`s seal plants in that flowerbed by my feet.

#springiscoming

I am self-employed as a piano teacher and songwriter. A few weeks ago, I went in to my boss` office and asked for a two-week medical leave of absence. She said it was okay. 😂

She gave me a two-week extension, starting on March 6.

While I`m trying to figure out why my health has gone down the toilet, I`ve been dealing with the emotional aspect of it as well.

I think I have a bit of cancer PTSD going on, and I was only partly kidding when I said that I`m going to have an eating disorder by the time this is all over.

I hem and haw about what I eat all the time. "Is this going to make me have 12 hours of agony again? Did I have another episode because I ate part of that avocado? Maybe I shouldn`t have had that homemade tomato-based soup. Is popcorn good or bad for me?"

I`ve actually had an eating disorder before, back when I was dealing with trauma in my past: anorexia and bulimia. Not a place I want to visit again. 🥺

I will need to make a few extra appointments with my naturopath to be "debriefed," so to speak, by the time I`m through with all this malarkey.

In the meantime, I`m trying to focus on the positive. Spent Saturday singing with this girl. We sang together for four hours. And, obviously took a break for some Snapchat poses.😎

#focusonthepositive
#songwriterlife
#nashvilleherewecome

People keep asking me if I "got my test results back" yet. They are referring to the colonoscopy/EGD I had done on February 23. I was told that it would be 7-10 days until I received the results.

Well, it`s been two weeks as of today and when I finally went looking in my inbox a few days back, there was an email advising me that my "chart" had been updated. On February 24.

W-what?

First of all, I figured the doc would call me. Good grief, the guy went poking around where people shouldn`t be poking around. 😉The least he could do is tell me what he came up with. 😂

He also did ten biopsies. TEN. Going in, I was only told about one and that was at my request. "Hey, guy, can you re-stage my celiac?" That would explain why I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck after my procedure for days on end.

Second of all, in looking over that pathology report...yeah, I might as well be reading Greek. Or Latin.

In the meantime, the pericarditis (swelling of the sac around the heart...Google it 😂) seems to be less intense. Instead of lasting for 12 hours like before, the "episodes" seem to be lasting about 4 hours. Of course, I`m shooting for having them go away altogether.

While I`m wading through all this medical crap, I`m trying to concentrate on the good things in life. Yesterday, I went to Best Buy and Office Depot with a friend so that I can make my music studio a bit more efficient.

I think I just might have a few more songs left in me. 🎵🎶🎵

#songwriterlife
#lookingforward

See that "Nashville Notebook" there?

Me and this girl are going to take that to Tennessee.

Don`t know when.
Don`t know how.

I just know it`s gonna happen.🎵🎶🎵

#songwriterlife
#nashvilleherewecome

There seems to be some confusion about my last post. 🤷‍♀️

When I said that I had had "enough of this crap" and "January and February sucked..." and then mentioned I was going to "look forward to spring," I was not talking about the weather. I was talking figuratively.

Wouldn`t be the first time I`ve been misunderstood, I guess. 😉

I was saying that I was sick of my health problems (that started on my birthday, January 9). I was saying--indirectly--that I`m trying to gather my mental faculties about me and snap out of this little hiccup in my life.

Like I said in that last post, I`m going to dream about going to Marina again someday--one of my favorite places in the world-- and I`m going to live my life to the fullest like I usually do.🌷

This picture I took in Marina, CA several years ago showed up in my FB memories today. I wish I was there now, sitting on the beach looking out at the water, instead of lying on the couch (not bouncing back like I should be after the colonoscopy/EGD procedure I had almost a week ago).

I sound like a whiny pee-pants, but here`s what I`m really thinking.

It`s the first day of March. In my mind, that`s close enough to the first day of spring.😂 I`ve had enough of this crap. January and February sucked. Time to look forward to spring and dream about the next time I can go to Marina again and live my life to the fullest like I usually do.

#lookingforward
#spring
#californiahereicome

Last February 26, I was heading into the music studio to record "Rely On Me."

Today, I`m walking around in tons of pain because of the colonoscopy/EDG I had done on Thursday to figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

I think I pick the music studio over the hospital any day. 😂

#songwriterlife
#RelyOnMe

All joking aside--I`ve told way too many poop stories and probably hit my record of excessive posting on Facebook the day before my colonoscopy😂--I had another episode from 7:00 last night to 7:00 this morning. I`m pretty sure things didn`t go well as midway through the night, I said to my husband, "I want to go to heaven."

I`m not trying to be melodramatic. I`m not looking for sympathy.

I`m simply saying, I think I`ve hit rock bottom.🥺

Please don`t take it personally when I don`t answer your texts or messages or posts. They are greatly appreciated.

In good news, I have two songs finished and waiting to be recorded in Nashville. 🤩

The other great news is, this guy played two games of Catan with me today. He`s a good boy. ❤️

What I want to be doing: Going out to dinner with my son like I did six years ago to celebrate my 50th (with soup and salad at Olive Garden followed by the movie "Lion").

What I`m doing instead: Waiting for 4:30 a.m. to roll around so I can take my icky prep stuff for the colonoscopy and endoscopy that are happening around noon today.

What a difference six years makes, eh? I turned into a little old lady.
🤓

Treasure life to the fullest, y`all.

Doing my colonoscopy/endoscopy prep today while Ken--the meanyhead😂--is eating spaghetti, homemade cornbread, salad, and all kinds of other yummy food.

I`m holing up in my office so that I don`t smell any food or make eye contact with the fridge. I only pop out once in a while to drink beef broth or peppermint tea.

Composing all day, it is.😉

#songwriterlife
#ishouldwriteanothercountrysong

Two years ago, I went to Nashville with a friend to record "Turmoil" and "Weep." While we were there, we went to Belmont University and walked around the campus in the snow.

I used to be envious of people that got to go to college. I didn`t have the money for that when I was 18. (I wanted to become a naturopathic doctor.) Instead, I worked. And worked. First the local cheese company, and then insurance.

I quit the insurance business once kid #2 showed up and started teaching piano lessons instead.

My naturopath jokingly and lovingly calls me "Doctor Maria" whenever I see her. She tells me how intuitive I am when it comes to medical stuff. In fact, just the other day (at my second appointment with her in less than a month because of all these issues I`ve been having), she encouraged me to go to college now if that`s what I want.

Here`s the thing. While I love health and all that--would love to have my own restored right now ha ha--I was meant to write books and songs.

It`s as simple as that.

#songwriterlife
#noregrets
#blessedbeyondmeasure

Two loads of laundry✅
Finished rough draft of song #12✅
Mostly finished rough draft of song #13✅
Organized my music studio✅
Picked the first bouquet of the year✅

All in all: a good day, I`d say. 🌷🌷🌷

#blessedbeyondmeasure

Usually these attacks hit me in the dead of night: 3:00 a.m. seems to be the average. Why then? Beats me.

Just starting another one...been building up to it all day.

I feel like throwing things. 😭

Instead, I`m going to listen to the demo recording I made the other night (after my last attack) of my latest song--sung by two dear friends❤️--and I`m going to cling to those words that I penned back before this all started.

Several of you have reached out and I appreciate it. When I don`t answer you like I customarily do, please please please do not take it personally. I just don`t have the energy to talk/explain.

Now to listen to the song on an endless loop. 😉