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Baby Steps

February 6, 2024

I listened to one master today from the producer. I wonder if he’s going to delete my harmonies on the one I sent him on Saturday.

Remember that time Ken recorded me singing into the microphone so he could learn GarageBand? I agreed to do it with the stipulation that no one—and I mean no one—would ever hear it, not even me.

I mean it’s no secret about how petrified I am to sing in front of others. Heck, I’m afraid to sing in front of myself. I told you all about it in the “Climb Every Mountain” post.

The mere thought that Dallas (my producer) would sit there in his office back in Nashville and be forced to listen to my voice over and over—while he is mixing and mastering the song—terrifies me. We get along great and he’s never once made me feel stupid for not knowing all the ins and outs of the music business. But it’s my innermost insecurity that has me envisioning him going, “Ugh. Oh. Wow. Hm, there’s not enough auto-tuning available for this chick. Shall I tell her she should stick to hiring other singers?” 😉

The last time Dallas was here in my home studio was absolutely amazing except for one terrible moment. After the vocalists had gone home, he nonchalantly turned to Ken and said, “I got those audio files of Marie.”

I suddenly felt clammy and sweaty all at the same time. Surely he’s kidding. 

I looked at Ken in panic. He looked at me confused. I said, “I told you not to show those to anybody.” He swore it was on accident….

After several days of not speaking to Ken—kidding!—I recorded myself adding harmonies to one of my songs. I showed it to Ken and asked him if it added anything. He said “yes.” Not sure I believe him, but I left it in anyway.

A couple days ago, I forwarded the file to Dallas with this note attached regarding my voice, “I hope your ears don’t start bleeding.” 😂


About Marie de Haan

Marie is a gifted pianist, playing since the age of nine. As a teenager, she composed mainly instrumental piano music. She released her powerful debut single, “I Am Broken,” on October 22, 2020, a song whose creation drew heavily upon the trauma she endured as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Marie held a benefit concert on September 10, 2021, in Skagit County. A portion of the proceeds went to CrossRoads Youth Ranch; this local organization—through equine therapy—empowers “at-risk and sexually exploited youth to heal, grow, and thrive.” She has continued to write music: Christian, folk, and country. Marie loves hiking, gardening, and photography. The Pacific Northwest—where she lives with her husband—is the backdrop for her favorite activities.