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Make Plans and God Laughs

December 9, 2023

Premiere of “I Am Broken” at Bethany Covenant Church in Mount Vernon, WA

What started this whole Nashville business, you say?

On April 27, 2019 at the local Tulip Festival Concert, we premiered a song I had written in 2018. I did not want to get up on that stage, but I made myself do it. Afterward, a few young girls that I was on praise team with came running up to me gushing, “You need to record that song. It was amazing.”

I said, “Whoa, Nelly.”😉I was still getting over the fact that I had gotten my butt up there. Now these young whippersnappers had me off and running to the big leagues.

I could not get over the fact of how many people in the audience in front of me and the choir behind me were crying. To be honest, it was a bit overwhelming. For weeks, people told me how the song had affected them.

A friend of mine had taken a rough recording of the premiere and I listened to it over and over. I thought, “Hey, I should try to make a professional recording of that, just for myself.” Make plans and God laughs, right?

Back in 2016, writing this post was the beginning of my healing from a major hardship in my life. Further healing happened when I poured my guts out on paper, added some notes, and wrote this song; I think it was the first time I allowed myself to “yell” at God and tell Him how angry I was because of all the trauma I’d been through.

I no longer contemplate suicide.

I no longer hate the people involved: the offender, the church leaders, or myself.

I am happy.

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

About Marie de Haan

Marie is a gifted pianist, playing since the age of nine. As a teenager, she composed mainly instrumental piano music. She released her powerful debut single, “I Am Broken,” on October 22, 2020, a song whose creation drew heavily upon the trauma she endured as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Marie held a benefit concert on September 10, 2021, in Skagit County. A portion of the proceeds went to CrossRoads Youth Ranch; this local organization—through equine therapy—empowers “at-risk and sexually exploited youth to heal, grow, and thrive.” She has continued to write music: Christian, folk, and country. Marie loves hiking, gardening, and photography. The Pacific Northwest—where she lives with her husband—is the backdrop for her favorite activities.